sarah's blog

Of all the posts I could be, should be writing right now I have sat down to write about the strangest of all of them.

You see today while the twins were taking their one nap (two of which they actually need and were therefore a hot. mess. tonight,) I caught up on a episode of Sister Wives that I had recorded a few days ago.

Yes, I know. Before you think I’ve become a polygamist or something, hear me out.

In this episode the newest wife Robin (#4) has her baby boy, Solomon, and we observe how different parts of the family react through the process. Some of the older kids seemed to feel pretty disconnected from this newest wife and this half brother of theirs, while some were moved to tears when they held him. One wife admitted she doesn’t get too emotional about babies and didn’t really want to be woken up to meet him (though she did come anyways) while another made a gift to let everyone know she was accepting him into her family with open arms despite earlier reservations.

But then there was Meri, the first wife, married to her/their husband for over 20 years. She has only one daughter, a teenager now, and despite years of hoping and several disappointments, she was never able to have more. Meri was the catalyst for Robin joining the family and the two really clicked, forming a bond closer than she felt with the other wives, though she encouraged them joining the family too.

Seeing Meri’s love for Robin and watching her practically jumping out of her skin with joy as she and her only daughter rushed to see Solomon with gifts in hand, set the stage for a moving moment I never expected. Just hours after Robin had her baby, as Meri held him, Robin asked to speak to Meri alone.

In that moment she told Meri that she wanted to offer her the gift of being her surrogate if she wanted to accept it.

She said she had prayed about it since she first met Meri and that she was absolutely sure. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw, despite what we would expect to exist between these two women, the depth of love and grace being offered. She had JUST had a baby, naturally, at home and she was already prepared to do it again to give someone else, a person she shares her husband with, that same moment.

I say all this not to convince you to watch the show or support the Brown family or approve of polygamy. Because of my personal faith I would not practice polygamy nor encourage others to do so. For me this wasn’t about their lifestyle choice. What I came away with was an overwhelming sense of sacrificial love.

I face far less and yet they often humble me with their willingness to lay themselves down for someone else, constantly compromising and committed for a lifetime to their families.

Would I be able to offer that? Would I be able to accept that offer? Would I pursue a relationship of love and grace despite difficult circumstances they way these women do?

Seeing the look on Meri’s face as the weight of what she was being offered washed over her I knew I would want to do the same for someone I loved if I had that opportunity.

I’m always confused about how and when and where to post about my kids. I have avenues for sharing with family that are more private than Facebook or an open blog and that’s good. But this is my blog to write about whatever I want to and often times that’s those two little munchkins.

And I know you might be thinking, Sarah, you have already posted about your kids here and here. And here. Wow, and here You have a tag for it for goodness sakes. This is all true, I have dabbled in writing about them. But then I kind of stopped, again mostly because of the confusion about where one does write about things like learning to pick up their own cheerios and their first ferry ride and the fact that Marlow knows how to give me kisses.

But I’m not a mommy blogger [breath sigh of relief] but I am a mommy so when I blog sometimes it’s about that. I used to have a blog completely devoted to the time when we were praying for our kids, which at that time in our minds was kid singular, and then expecting our kids and then adjusting to our kids. But after awhile the time felt right to end that conversation for now and move on. Not that the experience had ended for me, heck it was just beginning, but that chapter was pretty unique and cool and awful and intense and it felt kind of like I wrote a book and it was time to end it. Maybe it would need a few sequels a la Harry Potter but you can’t put it all in the first book, right?

So this blog is my Chamber of Secrets? Yikes, let’s hope not. I guess what I mean is this is the place I have to blog and I’ve always used it very loosely and randomly and now I have sort of avoided posting about motherhood for fear that it will take over the blog the way it kind took over my facebook and that’s not really what I want. I want to strike a balance. To share how my kids are doing as it relates to me and our lives together. Maybe tell a few funny stories or share accomplishments. But to mommy blog? No, not for me.

And it can’t be their online baby book either because, for one thing, they are almost one so I’d have a heck of a lot of catching up to do, and two, that kind of thing belongs in a private, locked down blog/photobook/old-school handwritten baby book more than in the public domain. Babies and the internet are a complicated thing: it’s your story to tell but at the same time it isn’t. It’s a dance I do every day and often wonder if I make the right choices.

So hmmm… my point… oh ya… I am going to blog about my kids a bit. But the site still has my name on it so until they’re old enough to get their own (Lord help us all) we’ll make it mostly about me. The mommy.

I turned 29 recently, and though the day itself was pretty forgettable (save a delicious lunch at Meat and Bread with my other half and our littles, left) and the babies absolutely did not get the memo that they should cut me any slack, overall it was a good last birthday of my 20s.

John gave me a gift certificate to the Dirty Apron cooking school for a class of my choice. Months ago when we first looked at our apartment and walked down the streets of the neighborhood we walked by the school and it’s restaurant and commented on what fun it would be to take a class. Of course he remembered and now I get to choose to learn a little about French cooking, West Coast cooking, proper knife skills, etc. – and enjoy the amazing meal we’ll make. Of course a perk of this gift is that it means 4 hours of peaceful focus on something other than bottles, naps and diapers!

So 29. Maybe a bigger deal if I had the time to sit and think on it. But 28 was a busy, crazy year and 29 will likely be the same. Besides the year I got married, and maybe even including that, this may be the year of most change in my life. I don’t even have to explain beyond saying on my 28th birthday I didn’t have twins and on my 29th I did. That is all.

I have had enough time to reflect on making a couple small birthday resolutions for myself that I’d like to work on in my last year of my twenties. Nothing major really, a couple personal things I’d like to be different when I turn 30. Because of the events of this last year I haven’t had much time to focus on myself (hopefully that doesn’t sound like I think it might) and have started to feel a bit like a stereotype of a new mom: never do my hair, don’t like the way I look in anything, spend my time making sure my babies eat well and get physical activity whether I ever do or not.

So I’ve made some resolutions to help me break out of this funk, learn how to incorporate “regular girlie stuff” back into the life of a mom of twins and generally go into my 30s feeling like a yummy mummy and not a cliche.

And they are…

• Drink more water. A lot more. For my skin, for weight loss, for general youthfulness that will stick with me into my 30s.
• Take better care of my skin. It’s changed since having kids and for the first time since high school I think about how I don’t like it. So I’ve invested in better products, taken more time on it (and let that baby laundry pile up, oh well) and plan to start getting facials on a regular basis.
• Work out. Ya, like just do it. Because I don’t, ever. I’ve set some measurable goals with John and he’s committed to taking care of the babies for chunks of time that I can go to classes at the gym. My goal is to be in better shape when I turn 30 than I was before I had kids.

Ya, my goals are all personal and a little simple and maybe a bit, I don’t know, vain. But the thing is I don’t want to stay in the First Year Mom fog forever and when my kids are old enough to watch me I want them to see a person who is healthy, confident and happy in their own skin. I want to be so pumped to be 30 I’m counting down the days.

Let’s go 29, we got work to do.

Last week we went to the U2 360 Tour in Edmonton. This is our second time seeing this tour except the first time we were super close on the floor of an indoor venue and this time we had nosebleed section seats in an outdoor one. While the experience was not as intense as the first time (the best concert I have ever seen) it was still amazing to see the show from a new vantage point, and get some good shots o my iPhone too.

If you’re going to see this tour I highly recommend you spring for floor seats – if you like the intensity of being caught up in it all. There is nothing like seeing that giant spider/spaceship towering over you with the sound of Bono all around you. There were moments I forgot where I was, it was that all-consuming. If that doesn’t make you want to go out and buy tickets close enough that maybe Bono will touch you and you’ll never wash that arm again, at least go for the lowest level of seating, it’s well worth it.

Both J and I said we’d see them again. In an indoor venue. With floor tickets. Maybe we can even get in that inner ring…

Yes I shared this on Facebook already and yes, I am sharing it again. Because if you like Death Cab for Cutie or want to see “The FIRST LIVE, SCRIPTED, ONE-TAKE MUSIC VIDEO SHOOT. EVER.” you should check this out. And then check out the making of video if you’re nerdy about it like we were.

I’d also like to say I have a huge music video crush on the bassist solely because of his awesome walk. If I played the bass that is how I would do it.

Pre-order the album CODES and KEYS

I want to remember how good I felt at this moment.

Remember when I made New Years resolutions? Ya, me neither.

Okay I do remember. And I know I haven’t been keeping them all and least of been keeping up with blogging about them. Last time I mentioned how I was faring it was February and I was already failing at least one. So you can guess how much better I am not doing now that it is the end of June and I have sort of had some major life change to distract me from my goals. Yes, I am going to blame it o the kids.

My resolutions amounted to this.

Get regular physical activity.
Learn new skills or develop old ones.
Read the classics.
Write my Grandma.
Eat less processed sugar.
Raise money for charity: water.
Get away and clear my head.
Give the first part of my day to Jesus.

And now the almost halfway mark verdict.

I do get regular physical activity now through my weekly Aquafit class and by going for walks. I’m not suppose to increase my activity at this point and I have found recently that my back and feet get pretty sore from longer walking but I make it a point to walk to the store and carry my groceries so I’m out of the house almost daily doing something.

I haven’t taken another class since belly dancing ended and I don’t know if I’ll have time. Can I count the prenatal classes as learning a new skill?

Now the reading, here I have been doing pretty good I’d say. Yes, I have broken down and read some more recent fare but you have to understand: I accidentally got introduced to the works of Margaret Atwood one day when I couldn’t get to the library. Once you read one you have to read another. Handmaid’s Tale was my favorite but I just finished Moral Disorder and it did not disappoint. So far this year I have also read Anna Karenina, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Tale of Two Cities and Passage to India.

I thought I was a person who liked older books and classic stories but like the time we tried to watch that ridiculous indie film Coffee and Cigarettes, I have realized the classics I do like made me think I was more cultured and deep than I really am. I’m pretty focused in my preferences and topics outside that – like Passage – don’t capture my imagination.

And I’m just going to say this, think what you like about me, but Breakfast at Tiffany’s was stupid. Nothing about the writing makes one sympathetic for any of the characters and the plot is just pathetic and pointless. How they made a movie out of that (and by the way the girl in the book is kind of more of an alcoholic slut than the Hepburn type) I’ll never know.

Moving on.

Oh writing my Grandma. I saw her at my brother’s wedding, can that count for something? I’m a bad granddaughter. I’d love to tell you that instead of concentrating my efforts on writing her I have been reducing my processed sugar intake and raising hundreds for charity: water but I’d have a hard time doing that in good conscience while eating my fifth chocolate truffle.

The truffles were worth it though, just so you know. Like the Atwood books.

I’ll get back to you on getting away for a day, I am not sure how I’m going to pull that off yet. I have enjoyed the time I have set aside most days to read my Bible and be quiet long enough to listen to God. I’d like to get better at starting my day that way as so many times I find myself anxious and trying to control my circumstances and end up retreating to read my Bible to get back on track again instead of getting my focus right to begin with.

All in all not terrible. But not great either. I think I’d like to work on a couple resolutions specifically to try and accomplish them and reduce the number to work on for the rest of the year. I’d like to raise money for charity: water again at my birthday in July and finish reading one more classic book.

Any suggestions on which book to finish up with? Remember my guidelines for choosing them. And if it’s about French or English royalty you get bonus points because I love that crap. Seriously, I’m a nerd for it.

John shared this video with me on Google Reader and I thought it was worth blogging. It’s a time lapse video of the Winter Olympic set up, rehearsal, opening ceremonies, victory ceremonies and closing ceremonies in BC Place Stadium. It is incredible to see how many times they practiced, opened and closed, set up and tore down. What a four months that must have been.

Look for the light griding that appears on the floors and screening occasionally, that is the planning of all the graphic design and effects we saw. The dates and events are in the bottom left corner so you can follow what is going on.

I was amazed at how they had to take down and set up the victory ceremonies over and over every day because they were rehearsing the closing ceremonies at the same time. And bless their hearts, look how many times those cauldron arms went up and down without a hitch before the big night!

I have been saying I want to see this documentary since I first read about it I don’t know where. After seeing this trailer I am DYING to see it. The documentary maker observed four babies in four different cultures through their first year of life, never getting involved, only recording their lives as though animals in the wild.

As my mother said, babies are the same everywhere, they all speak the same language.

The film’s official site

A lot of people who read my blog already know this information. BUT in case you haven’t heard I am going ahead and telling because it’s starting to leak from other people!

Please comment here and not over on Facebook until you have seen me post about it there.

As some of you may know, I’ve wanted to be a mom for a long time, but it just wasn’t happening. Until recently!

We were thrilled to find out that we’re going to be parents! But the excitement didn’t stop there: Just about three weeks ago we received the news from our doctor that we’re having TWINS! (more…)